did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
