idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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