Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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