The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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