so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
