I think i peed on brittanys purse
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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