Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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