We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
