and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
