these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
