when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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