dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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