oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
