Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize