i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
