if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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