If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
