I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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