do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
