im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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