I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
