Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
