im drinking this country out of the recession.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
