I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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