i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
