She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
