Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
