God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You left your phone here
Wait...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize