The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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