Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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