I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
