Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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