glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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