Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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