Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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