she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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