i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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