She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
