she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
