two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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