What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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