If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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