You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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