Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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