Welp...herpes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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