turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The air was thick with penises
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
