I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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