There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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