I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
