Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
