I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
