I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
