they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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