my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
