Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
