Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
