Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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