Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
