Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
