No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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